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A night with friends

February 5, 2010
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A bachelor party actually but without the strippers and all that revelry. Maybe there was all that revelry but that was over before I got there and what was left was 3 of my friends, one of them really close to my heart – the groom.

After a long while, I’m not ambiguous  about what I feel. Gladness, happiness and a little bit of amusement. I am a cynic. I have no idea what people are talking about when they talk about ‘being in love’. I understand lust, attraction, liking and all that. The sort of love that compels you to be with each other for the rest of your life – i do not understand that.

But it exists. I have seen several occasions of proof of that. And I hope that it happens to me as well. But this is one of those proof situations. There are the jitters, the love, the sweet smiles and all of that. And the confidence that they’ll make this work. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have any doubts about the relationship… i learnt a while ago that even the most perfect couple need to want to make it to work, want the same things. But it is a gamble that you have to take.

Today was a bit of a scramble. I woke up late, I ran around too much finishing up last minute tasks and then when i was finally ready to leave, I had to run 4 kms behind my dog who manage to escape for an afternoon jog. I faced exclamations of “oh why did you bring the dog out with the chain” to “the dog is too big for you to handle” but no one came forward to actually help. Morons. The world is filled with morons and all of them truly hate it when you call them a  moron.

I am numb… i get annoyed but I do not let myself stay annoyed. I know there are things I am doing that are not good but I don’t seem to be able to stop it. Not good, yes yes I know!!! Where is this numbness coming from?

All the dreams and hopes I had… how many of them have changed… how much have I changed, my relationships have changed. It scares me to think sometimes about how my closest relationships have drifted away. Drifted. Not broken. Just drifted, which is somehow sadder than broken.

For the first time ever, I am doing things in such a blase manner, with complete disregard to my relationships. And yet I hold on to them stronger than ever. The circle has shrunk. But…

I’m gonna stop thinking and go sleep.

Here’s to a great trip, beautiful pictures and maybe… finding love.

Song of the day: The One You Love – Rufus

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