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Gravity – The Fricking Blackhole of Common Sense

November 22, 2013

After much of the hype and grand words about how awesome Gravity was, I finally got around to watching this movie. 

The movie begins to go downhill about 20 minutes into it… which is when George Clooney disappears and all the stuff blows up. Your brain has gotten used to all the awesome 3D graphics and begun to ask sensible questions like:

– Why the hell won’t NASA initiate a rescue mission?
– Are spaceships really made out of such flimsy material that any passing meteorite / debris can just break it into tiny little pieces, making more dangerous weapons?

But you think the people writing the movie would have done their research and try to watch the movie again.

Five minutes later, you wonder if they really put people into space without adequate training. True, they might have the knowledge to fix that all-important chipboardthingy but if they panic at the slightest thing, how much help would they really be at 600 km beyond the earth’s atmosphere. And then more questions sprout:

– Do astronauts really wander around the spaceship in their underwear? What about all those cooling pipes etc?
– It really takes like a minute to get out of that bulky spacesuit? (Most of us take at least 5 minutes to change)
– How much training do these astronauts receive? Aren’t they trained to remain calm and simple?
– So Sandra Bullock is a doctor. But if she is the kind of doctor who works in a hospital, what the fuck is doing in space? (Now, I’m wondering if I even heard this right)
– Aren’t they taught not to strip to their underwear when there is all kinds of debris flying around and they might need to make an emergency exit? 

Ooh look! Pretty earth and lights in the distance.

– Are you taught to read Russian as a part of your astronaut training?
– Is the model of every spaceship the same? 

Things coming towards your face as they blow up. Time to flinch!

– A spaceship’s fuel gauge works like my car? You need to tap it a few times to get it to work
– So communications to all satellites – Russian, American and Chinese are out? 
– Why did those shuttle makers forget to put an auto-eject button for the parachute?
– Can you catch radio signals that far up in space or do Russian / Chinese space specialists bring their babies to work and sing them lullabies?

Well, the movie is almost over. But hey! George Clooney is here again! Oh wait… no that’s a dream. Does lack of oxygen induce lucid dreaming? 

– Don’t the Chinese believe in manuals? 
– Why the hell are there basic operating manuals only in the Russian shuttle and not in the Chinese one?
– A fire extinguisher can work for so long?
– Don’t they give you the basic training to not open a door when your vehicle is half submerged in water?

And the most important question that kept ringing in my head – How the fuck did NASA allow such a stupid woman to go to space? And did they forget to give her any sort of training at all?

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Realist permalink
    February 2, 2014 7:42 pm

    Wow, if you think the movie is stupid (which it is), then look at yourself, because you, my dear, are *insanely* retarded!

    1. The movie became a retarded piece of Hollywood shit the exact moment she said “wait, […] just one more second”. And when not decoupling from that arm right away but yelling “ahhh-ahh-ahhh” like a TYPICAL Hollywood “retarded panicky woman” role they ALWAYS use to further their retarded story in a retarded direction when they are too retarded to come up with a real reason. Stupidity is always their excuse. And they probably don’t even realize it, because the writers themselves are *that* retarded. (No surprise with them being from Hollywood/USA.)
    2. Yet you *completely* miss that one, and instead bitch about things that *actually make sense*, because you know so little about… well basically *anything*.
    3. “Why the hell won’t NASA initiate a rescue mission?” → Because that would take *days*, you moron? There is no such thing as a rescue standby in real life space missions. There is no point, since you’re always dead before anyone could arrive there. Everyone knows that when going up.
    4. “Are spaceships really made out of such flimsy material that any passing meteorite / debris can just break it into tiny little pieces, making more dangerous weapons??” → Flimsy?? Do you dumbass realize the speeds of those spacecraft?? A *single* grain of sand has the same energy as a 600kg bike at 600km/h at those speeds! I have seen real-life photos where such a grain of sand hit the space shuttle’s thick bullet-proof glass window and made it nearly all the way through! Now imagine a whole satellite piece at those speeds! Could as well have a large truck of train crash into you!!
    5. And do you know what it actually *costs* to send that stuff up there?? Each additional kg (!!) costs >$11000!! Things *have* to be “flimsy” yet strong as a tank at the same time! Why do you think they had to invent all those “space materials”? At that price researching new better materials is still cheaper.
    6. “would have done their research”. → Or maybe you should have done an anti-retard therapy. Or just carved out the solid shit that fills your head and put an actual brain in there. You retard!
    7. “Do astronauts really wander around the spaceship in their underwear? What about all those cooling pipes etc?” → You have never ever seen any kind of spaceship from the inside, do you? There aren’t just random dangerous things sticking out! And even clothed, their bare faces, necks, hands and feet would still be able to touch those hypothetical “cooling pipes”. But no, they do usually wear overalls.

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